Bored with Facebook

Bored with Facebook
A poem by Poobah

Facebook is busy,
It's speed really stinks!
No friends click on 'Like' now,
When I post a link.

I used to play Farmville,
Then Mafia Wars.
But I've found that they're pointless,
And terrible bores.

I know, I'll learn knitting,
And maybe crochet!
Create nice ceramics,
Or go write a play.

I could take up painting,
(Maybe Cathy would help)
Or Texan Toe Wrestling.
Or cooking with kelp!

I might become famous!
Like Grouse, or J-Lo!
Appear in OK,
Or even Hello!

Or celebrity Big Brother,
With Vanessa Phelp*.
But I think that's now finished.
Oh God, I need Help!

It's all total rubbish.
I'll burn my TV!
To be honest there's f**k all,
That I want to see!

I've no patience with hobbies.
I hate to play games.
I don't want to be famous.
My life's just so lame!

Oh so much self pity!
You must think me a jerk!
I'll turn off my computer,
And get back to work.

*s

Thank crikey, I'm FREE!

I got kidnapped. Sorry. It won't happen again.

Not really. I'm just lazy.

Have a free haiku:

Oh bugger, I'm late

I've been away from my blog

For far too long now!

A couple more Haikus

(Both for Tootsie)

Oh furry rodent
You lie in your wood shavings
Though Blogless no more!

Haiku very much
It's a a pleasure to be back
In the Blogosphere.

I need more followers!

Yes I do!
Everyone who follows me will receive by email a FREE Leonard Gubbins Jpeg that I nicked from his blog - or - a long distance mind massage from the Amazing Kreskin. Please specify your preference when following me.

Hello again, naturally.

Hello my dear friends.
I'm sorry for my unannounced absence but I had to spend a few months dead for tax reasons.
In the immortal words of Gary Barlow, I'm back for good.

I'm so 'bigged up' (as the yoof would put it) that I have decided to write my first ever Haiku!


Poobah is back now
For good he tells us today
More crap will appear

I hope you like it.
See you all soon.
XXX Poobah.

The Life of Brian

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just  going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!”

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's  a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along  when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Brian Sullivan,  every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few  clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was  a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He  could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and  danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the  piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he  was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He  had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday.  He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse,  and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do  everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy  then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in  traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get  stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really  knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never  answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was  always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect  man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to  Brian Sullivan."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you  meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian.

He  died.

I'm married to his f***in' widow."

Uuuurg!

Not well. Sorry.

What's going on?

That's a very good question actually!

It's a bit quiet out in Facebookybloggatweet land because a lot of my pals are raving it up in Shrewsbury for the Cartoon Festival.  I hope they are having a lovely time whilst I am at home watching Doctor Who and Family Guy!

I've not been writing a lot lately because pretty much nothing is happening to write about.

I don't do politics - so the election is out.

I quite like the new Daleks, so I'm not going to argue about that.

Football? Yawn!

Cricket? I leave that one to Redvers Crimper.

I'm currently drinking 'Vodka'.

My favourite colour is 'Green'.

The animal I most relate to is 'Louie Walsh'.

I don't believe in Astrology - I'm a typical Taurian in that respect.

I'm currently reading the Henry Root letters which was recommended to me by Cathy. It's a bit of an historical document now though, being letters sent in 1979, but I'm surprised at how many of the events reffered to that I remember. I was working for a printing company in Wandsworth back then. My first job out of school (I didn't go to College until a couple of years later). I love the book. It is very funny.
If only people wrote letters nowadays. Wouldn't life be so much more romantic!

A much better post than the last one!

Sorry about the previous post.
I will now give you, free of charge, a wonderful, uplifting video...

Lesley Gore - Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows

Please follow my Blog!

What a pathetic plea.
I'm so insecure.

Seriously though, how does one get followers?

Spring Cleaning

Well, not exactly 'cleaning' as my Dyson has been broken since August. More 'moving the dust around' really. I now have some amazingly large dust bunnies frolicking around on my stair carpet.
Anyway, the stairs, lounge and kitchen are done already and all the letters, magazines, bills, tax demands, more bills etc. have been moved up to my office in a big pile ready for me to 'file'. For 'file' read 'hide in cupboard. I've put all the leaflets, pamphlets and advice books about my 'problem' into a nice big box file so I don't have to look at them again.

Today for dinner I will be cooking Lambs liver with green beans and potatoes 'pommes Anna' which I saw on Masterchef last night. Silly Alex could have won if he didn't keep trying to force his mental foodie inventions down peoples throats! Stilton Ice Cream!!!!! Jeez!

Anyway, here are some mental Ikea adverts which apparently were banned.
I wonder why?

Up to my elbows in soup.

Chicken and carrot to be precise.
I love making soup and normally do so after I have had roast chicken.
I keep the carcass (which I have deliberately left some meat on) and make soup from it.
If i'm in the mood I will use split peas or lentils too to make it more substantial. But today it's pretty much chicken, carrots and onions, with green peppercorns, ginger and garlic to season. I'll probably put in a large handful of pearl barley too as I love the texture.
Lovely.
A good pan of soup normally keeps me going for lunches for about five days and it is very low calorie too.

This is a picture of somebody else's soup which I nicked off the interweb.

Yawn!

Too lazy to write!

Why dogs bite people...

Picnicked from http://demotivatorsblog.com/

Pink Loo brush

In response to Tootsies post 'My Humuns got a new loo brush'
Here is the Poobah version of the classic Max Bygraves masterwork...

You're a pink loobrush, I'm a blue loobrush
Have we met somewhere before?
You're a pink loobrush and I think loobrush
That we met by the toilet door.


Glad to meet loobrush, such a sweet loobrush
How you thrill me through and through
Dont be hard loobrush on a soft loobrush
'Cause I cant help loving you.


Every time I hear you whistle...... it makes my nylon bristle.......


You're a pink loobrush, I'm a blue loobrush
Did you get my memorandom?
I'll be true loobrush, just to you loobrush
When we clean Cathy's bog in tandem.

Little Jackie Wright

I see that Mr Paul Mahoney is now a guest poster on Mr Gubbins' blog.
Old Lenny is using a pic of Jack Wright to illustrate the announcement.

I remember Little Jackie fondly from his days on the Benny Hill Show. You know who I mean! The tiny old Irish guy who benny used to slap on the top of his head!

Jackie Right tribute

Tree commits suicide!

What is Illustration Friday?

And how do you play?

Can someone please tell me the rules!

-------------------------------------

I have discovered a great website: www.RatherGood.Com and it's, er, rather good!
Full of oodles of funny music videos I can guarantee that it'll make you laugh.

I also learned that The Internet is Made of Cats!
I know this to be true.

Another Tuesday (I think!)

I went to bed last night at the normal time - eleven thirty ish - and read my book for a while like I normally do (Dolphin Island by Arthur C Clark if you're interested)*. I turned the light out at about twelve thirty. And lay there.
Now, today I was supposed to be going to a conference on marketing. But the problem was, last night I just lay there. And lay there. 2am - still awake, just laying there thinking "Christ, if I don't go to sleep soon I'm going to be crap tomorrow!" Did that help? Of course not. At about 3am I got up and made myself a coup of Horlicks (Caramel flavour). It didn't help.
At about five I gave up, came downstairs and had some toast and Marmite.
I knew now that the conference was out the window. I'd fall asleep during the really interesting talk by Simon Fanshawe, or the Facebook and Twitter workshop. So I gave up.

I watched a really good movie called 'The Escapist' starring Brian Cox as a prisoner planning to escape so that he could visit his dying daughter. Absolutely gripping and highly recommended - with the most amazing ending!


Then a couple of episodes of Nip/Tuck full of bonking and people having their faces sewn back on. Which was nice.

Then I wrote a polite letter of apology to the conference organisers. And watched another Nip/Tuck. I just can't believe Kimber is dead - I'm sure she's going to do a Harold Bishop!

Anyway, here I am typing away. A couple of cups of coffee inside me, knowing that I'm going to be total crap for the rest of the day. The only upside is that I don't have anything to do as I planned to be out all day.

And I won't be fixing the blog template yet - I'm bound to make it even worse!

*Crikey! That's a coincidence, seeing that it's Dolphin Tuesday!

Another fine mess!

I've mucked up my blog layout!
I changed templates, then fiddled about a bit with the html (like I normally do) and it's not right.
I'll go to bed and sort it out in the morning.
Also, my 'return' key on my keyboard isn't working right either (but I didn't fiddle with that).

Also, Edward Monkton is Purple Ronnie in disguise (probably involving lipstick and a skirt - see my previous post Fizzing!).
I found out that his real name is Giles Andreae whilst browsing Wikipedia here!

Huh.

Here's a cat in a light shade...