Tuesday, 31 August 2010

Bored with Facebook

Bored with Facebook
A poem by Poobah

Facebook is busy,
It's speed really stinks!
No friends click on 'Like' now,
When I post a link.

I used to play Farmville,
Then Mafia Wars.
But I've found that they're pointless,
And terrible bores.

I know, I'll learn knitting,
And maybe crochet!
Create nice ceramics,
Or go write a play.

I could take up painting,
(Maybe Cathy would help)
Or Texan Toe Wrestling.
Or cooking with kelp!

I might become famous!
Like Grouse, or J-Lo!
Appear in OK,
Or even Hello!

Or celebrity Big Brother,
With Vanessa Phelp*.
But I think that's now finished.
Oh God, I need Help!

It's all total rubbish.
I'll burn my TV!
To be honest there's f**k all,
That I want to see!

I've no patience with hobbies.
I hate to play games.
I don't want to be famous.
My life's just so lame!

Oh so much self pity!
You must think me a jerk!
I'll turn off my computer,
And get back to work.


Thank crikey, I'm FREE!

I got kidnapped. Sorry. It won't happen again.

Not really. I'm just lazy.

Have a free haiku:

Oh bugger, I'm late
I've been away from my blog
For far too long now!

Friday, 9 July 2010

A couple more Haikus

(Both for Tootsie)

Oh furry rodent
You lie in your wood shavings
Though Blogless no more!

Haiku very much
It's a a pleasure to be back
In the Blogosphere.

I need more followers!

Yes I do!
Everyone who follows me will receive by email a FREE Leonard Gubbins Jpeg that I nicked from his blog - or - a long distance mind massage from the Amazing Kreskin. Please specify your preference when following me.

Hello again, naturally.

Hello my dear friends.
I'm sorry for my unannounced absence but I had to spend a few months dead for tax reasons.
In the immortal words of Gary Barlow, I'm back for good.

I'm so 'bigged up' (as the yoof would put it) that I have decided to write my first ever Haiku!

Poobah is back now
For good he tells us today
More crap will appear

I hope you like it.
See you all soon.
XXX Poobah.

Sunday, 9 May 2010

The Life of Brian

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just  going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!”

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's  a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along  when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Brian Sullivan,  every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few  clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was  a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He  could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and  danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the  piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he  was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He  had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday.  He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse,  and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do  everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy  then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in  traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get  stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really  knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never  answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was  always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect  man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to  Brian Sullivan."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you  meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian.

He  died.

I'm married to his f***in' widow."


Not well. Sorry.